Asshole parking

1) when another driver pulls in a spot closest to the door and you have been looking to find close parking for the last 5 minutes. you saw a keyless remote unlocking a car, the lights blinking and calling you! “open open open”
you punched it around the opposing lane, so you could pull in at the proper angle, half crazed to get to it! and then some f-ck who just pulled into the lot, driving the wrong way, gets it by backing into your spot just as you round the farthest edge of the corner!

2) when you follow someone for 5 minutes at a >1 mph snails pace, looking to get his parking sp-ce, you are happily lured along, like some 16 year old on his first bong hit, with the shiny keys to their car that are dangling from their hand and swinging around at you like a f-ckin’ hypnotist or some kind of christmas present or something, in an one way underground covered parking lot – all the while the voice in your head is thinking “yeah baby! got a spot! i got a close spot!” – and the b-st-rd suddenly looks confused and turns around and goes the other way while the car behind you has been flashing his lights at you for the last two minutes!
1) oh no! oh no! no you did not! oh no you didn’t! i did not just see some -sshole parking in my spot!

2) click! aim! bang!
to take up two parking sp-ces with one vehicle, where one would have sufficed.
can you -sshole park for me so that when i come back later i can fit my car next to yours.

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