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a lovely market town in hertfordshire. known as ‘berko’. once you go there, you won’t go back. you won’t be able to afford the houses there unless you’re made of money. mainly for the middle and upper cl-ss, forget new look, there’s waitrose and muse! if you’ve lived there as a child, it’ll always be your home. also has good places to eat, don’t get too attached to the homely presence of the town though, especially the berko boys.
let’s go to berkhamsted and go to waitrose
berkhamsted is a small market town in hertfordshire.

everyone knows everyone else.

thieving crack heads are common place in this town, as much as the middle cl-ss newly weds try to ignore them.

there is a high contrast between the types of people living here; they’re almost always either f-ck ups or prissies who power lunch. neither crowd pays any attention of the other.

there’s also a high amount of oldies.

affectionately known as ‘berko’.

people have often talked of the ‘berko syndrome’ – once you’ve lived here, there is no escaping. one way or another, you will return.
“oi mate, got some pills?”

“dahling, let’s go do lunch in berkhamsted high street. how’s about cafe uno then we can go shopping in laura ashley for some lamp shades”
a town just north of london, which you can guarantee no-one has ever heard of, lovingly known as berko.

on youtube there is a song called berko, berko, showing the roughest parts of the town; it’s f-cking immense.

it is certain you will kill yourself or any other f-cker at the amount of boredom in berko.

earlier spellings included berkhampstead, muche barkhamstede, berkhamsted magna, great berkhamsted and berkhamstead.

upper cl-sses know not to venture to tesco metro on friday nights, due to the thieving youths hanging around the outside of the supermarket.
‘darling, we’ve run out of poached salmon, and marks and sparks is shut, shall we go to tesco’s?’
‘don’t be ridiculous, you know what berkhamsted is like on a friday night, we’d be skinned alive!’