Creeping Jesus


originally used in ireland to describe a catholic making a public display of religiosity simply for show.
nowadays it refers to those who put on a big act to impress people, hypocritically. they creep around pumping hands and grinning like goons, oozing compliments and uttering clichés, all the while dying for a chance to stab you in the back. if you work with one you’ll see people getting fired in their wake, and don’t be surprised if you’re next.
that creeping jesus charmed information out of me and then told the boss everything i said, to get me sacked, and he did the same to ten others.
ninja like skills p-ssed down from the big j himself. creeping jesus’ don’t learn these skills… they are born with them.
person turns in chair and sees you “arrggghhhh!!! creeping jesus”
‘i’ve been here 5 minutes, didn’t you hear me?”
person “no!!!”
a catch all term for being “under the weather” with a cold, flu, hangover, et cetera.
“i was in a cold sweat all night, reeling with the creeping jesus, retching in a bucket and freezing beneath five blankets.”
it’s someone who’s a fawning person. but it’s a bit rough, since when is jesus -ssociated with creepiness? sure, he hung out with lepers – but that’s not creepy. social suicide maybe…

stalker
“f-ck off, hugh, you’re such a creeping jesus.”
someone who drives slow
“that amateur driver in the nissan sentra is such a creeping jesus; she’s drivin like 5 miles a hour”
going downstairs late night to eat sweets!! 😉
my stomach hurts because i was a ‘creeping jesus’ last night!
a term jews use for slow drivers, but in reality they are just bashing jesus christ, cause crucifying him wasn’t enough apparently.

andrew jewface: you are such a creeping jesus, woman! drive faster!
katie: you and your people are going to h-ll.

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