Dean guitars



makers of the finest guitars known to man. the guitar of choice for dime, the schenkers, leslie west, randy davis, and countless others, these near-mythical musical instruments have been known to increase guitar playing ability, cure leprosy, double p-n-s size, turn any guitarist into an instant hero, vaporize bras/panties/female inhibitions, change water to wine, increase iq by twofold, cure ibs, boil water on contact, destroy all enemies, inspire emo tools to pursue a career in real metal, reduce the oil consumption of high-mileage vehicles, grow new hair in funny places, change the most diehard brokeback jay into all that is man.
ian: dude! what happened to jay? he can barely walk!
brandon: he played my dfh and his kneecap was crushed by the immense weight of his newfound elephant p-n-s. then he graduated harvard and impregnated 764,995 women with superhuman fetuses. the other 5 women exploded because the supersperm were playing dean guitars and their weakened wombs could not handle the righteous thunder spewing forth from the inside.
ian: that’ll happen.
brandon: that will happen.
truly the best guitars known to man. founded by dean zelinsky in 1977. played by metal and rock legends dave mustaine, dimebag darrell, michaelangelo batio, uli jon roth and many others.
dean guitars are the s-xiest guitars ever! people’s faces are melted when they hear a solo played on a dean.

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