deansteak

alchemical cooking process that turns a pan-fried steak into deansteakpork resembling roasted pork; or, deansteaktuna resembling ahi tuna – depending on the pre-cooking preparation and actual cooking process used.

deansteakpork: preparation requires over-aged freezer burn, too high heat and overcooking on a cast iron frying pan to achieve a weak, brown sear with a thick grey band and a dry, pink interior resembling a parched pork chop or neapolitan ice cream sandwich

deansteaktuna: prepared at low oven temperature for too short of time followed by too short of time in extremely hot cast iron griddle pan; brown exterior with blackened crosshatch grill markings and thick, overcooked band with cool, raw, pink interior with veins of uncooked white fat running throughout
there’s no easy way to say this but that deansteak looks awful. i wouldn’t pay a wooden nickel for it.

whoa, that deansteak is probably the worst steak ever. 2/6 never forget.

looks like you didn’t completely defrost before cooking to get that deansteak.

if your steak looks more like a pork chop than a steak, something went wrong and you have a deansteakpork.

i will never be able to un-see this deansteaktuna.

you are an alchemist! first your steak looked like roasted pork and now, seared ahi tuna! what will you turn your next steak into?