Gadsden Purchase

the single greatest and most significant event ever to take place in american history. covered extensively in apush, it was the purchase of what is now southwestern new mexico and southern arizona from mexico. it was officially ratified in 1854. the treaty was negotiated by james gadsden, who wanted to build a transcontinental railroad through the area. this railroad was never actually built, but the territory acquired through the gadsden purchase remains undoubtedly one of the most critical additions to the united states.
“you’ve got to be able to laugh at the gadsden purchase, it’s what life’s all about!”

“who’s your favorite president?”
“franklin pierce, obviously, because he ratified the gadsden purchase.”

“it’s june 8th, why are you having a party?”
“to celebrate the final approval and ratification of the gadsden purchase, of course!”
gadsden purchase
a deviant s-xual act, in the tradition of the donkey punch and the cleveland steamer, named after the purchase of a portion of what is now arizona from mexico in 1853.
the s-xual act proceeds thusly:
1. go to tijuana, or some such lawless mexican border town with plenty of brothels and prost-tution.
2. find a mexican prost-tute, and promise her lots of money for standard doggy-style s-x.
3. just as you ‘finish,’ roll up the money you owe her and stick it in her cornhole.
4. congratulate yourself on symbolically continuing the american tradition of unabashedly f-cking over the rest of the world.
– i was bored one night, so i drove across the border to el paso and gave a hooker named rosalita the old “gadsden purchase.”

– i stuck the money in her b-tt, but she’s brazilian, so it’s not a genuine “gadsden purchase.”