ghost poop

the king of all p–ps, in which when one goes to wipe one’s nether regions after letting one fly, one discovers much to one’s surprise that there is nothing on the paper. the single most satisfying bowel movement that man is capable of.
1: what are you smiling about?

2: oh nothing, just had…a ghost p–p!

1: -stunned silence-
a p–p that mysteriously disappears after plopping into the toilet
there are three popular definitions of ghost p–p:

1: this is when you feel like you need to take sh-t, but when you go, nothing comes out or you merely fart. this is explained by having too much air in the colon from having eaten g-ssy foods like beans or swallowing air, or by you having very bad constipation.

2: you sit down to take a sh-t, everything feels normal, but when you look down into the toilet the p–p appears to be gone! this is explained easily however. you merely had a very heavy t-rd that went strait halfway down the drain, so it’s out of sight, but still very much in the toilet.

3: you take a sh-t and everything goes normally, but when you wipe, the paper comes out clean, much like how a ghost leaves no trace. there are two explanations depending on the ease of your sh-t. if the sh-t was relatively easy, then congrats! you’re getting the perfect amount of fiber in your diet, not too much, not too little. if the sh-t was really difficult, then the t-rd was way too hard, and you need to eat some prunes pr-nto.
1: man, i thought i needed to take a monster sh-t, but all i did was fart and make a ghost p–p on the pot.

2: woah! where did my sh-t go?! must’ve been a ghost p–p…

3: arrrghh -plop-… -pant pant-… “oh well, at least it came out as a ghost p–p and i won’t need to wipe…”
the p–p that slips right out and hides in the flush p-ssage as the bottom of the bowl. the p–p producer looks into the bowl, and finds that the t-rd magically disappeared.
i sat down to cr-p, and by the time i stood up to examine my handiwork, i saw that it was an invisible ghost p–p.
when after p–ping, you go to wipe and there is nothing on the toilet paper.
“dude that was such a quick p–p!”
“it was a ghost-p–p thats why.”
“ohhhhh i love those”
when you take a sh-t but have nothing to wipe; most people follow this up with a couple of safety strokes just in-case.

the eerie and mysterious phenomenon of p–ping without leaving any trace of such on your b-tt, giving a “too-clean-for-comfort” feeling.
“f-ck, i’ll be right back man i had a ghost p–p earlier today so i hardly wiped but now i’m starting to smell the stank… sh-t”
after you unload your watse (for the weak-minded, your cr-p) you take that charmin ultra (again for the simpletins, your p–p paper) and cleanse your -n-l (for urbanites, your p–per) and after looking at your art, only then you relize, there is no residue there! (for the average-joes, no p–p on the paper)
saddie- “yo, macy get in here! look at my p–p!”

macy- “dude, look at the paper!”

saddie- “there’s nothin’ there! how does that even happen?!”

macy- “don’t even worry about it, that’s just a ghost p–p

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