lagboat

teenaged christopher biggins impersonator and founder of the bermondsey branch of his fan club, with a disturbing ‘daddy’ fetish.

physically interfaced with his commodore 64 by means of an -n-l probe c-m broadband link, lagboat can only leave his nan’s loft for a few hours at a time to attend ‘wall matches before his rectal batteries are exhausted, although a zinger tower meal from kfc can provide emergency power.
you’ve done a lagboat with the raffle money aintcha!
a computer with so many viruses from p-rn that it lags when trying to open such simple applications as notepad
god, my piece of cr-p computer is such a lagboat, i can’t even watch asians get g-ngb-nged on it anymore!
an awol legend.

many of the posters are obsessed with him. winds up most of the posters from cardiff.

usually get banned cause they can’t handle him.

witty, intelligent but modest.
valleys “that lagboat off awol made us look right c-nts picks”
imaginary world where drinking meets sailing. whole feudal systems are usualy set in place before and during the course of the night. rupert is the right’orrible admiral as he patented the lag boat. other responsibilties include; rudder man (steers the group to pubs/clubs/venues/houses/alley ways etc with the help of the crow’s nest (usually slightly more responsible so can see trouble ahead or a good party…. or the police)
the admiral gives you permission to delegate other responsibilities. but just for reference at the other end of the ranking you’ve got plank walker (some one who’s being all – “ooo i think i’ll just have the one”- forget that! you’ll walk the plank mate – with a six sambuca shooter) and of course the ever favourite man overboard (need i say any more?) to reach the crow’s nest you must climb the laggin’
just make sure, to record all the embarr-ssing memories in the captain’s lag book!!

all aboard!!
“all aboard the lag boat”
“boarding p-sses please”
“do you know i’m actually boarding the admiral’s boat tonight?!”
“gosh it’s stormy weather tonight, i’ve had 11 pints”
“hlep! i’mm ddrownign!”
“first mate’s p-ssed out!”
etc etc etc
sh-t faced
drinking all day, i’m lagboat shun!!