Martin Skrtel
noun.
martin skrtel is a slovakian football player who currently plays for liverpool football club. he’s a f-cking hard b-st-rd; he lives off a diet of nails, human flesh, barbed wire and steel wool. it is rumoured that martin once killed a shark 800ft below sea level all because it was “using his water”. martin skrtel places 7th in the “worlds hardest blokes” list after chuck norris, the incredible hulk, liam neeson, samuel l. jackson, bruce lee and g-d himself. it is said that the only way of martin skrtel getting injured is by self inflicted pain, however skrtel does not feel pain. also another rumour stipulates that martin skrtel has already booked a place in heaven, apparently he did so by shouting to god from his cave in the upper hebrides mountains. there is strong compet-tion as to the best football player in the world between martin skrtel and emile heskey, however heskey is widely regarded as the best football player to ever grace the planet.
clive tyldesley: “absolutely n-body can get past martin skrtel. he’s a f-cking brick wall! (i appologise)”
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