shnoozums

shnoozums
an exceptionally fluffy rat who believes itself to be a cat.

the shnoozums, while being a member of the rodent family, is equipped with defense mechanisms such as retractable claws, sharp fangs, and a keen intellect. the shnoozums’ diet is primarily composed of fresh water fish, smaller animals, and insects that can be found in the tuscan country side where the species originated. over time, fine cheeses and cuisine produced by the italian people began to attract the wild shnoozums’. eventually shnoozums’ found their way into the homes of the italian people. it has been said by the italians that once there’s a shnoozums in the house there’s no getting rid of it. see also shnoozadook. while first seen as a nuisance, the people of tuscany and surrounding areas began to accept the shnoozums’ as a part of their society and a useful companion for eliminating crop destroying insects and smaller disease spreading rodents. this mutually beneficial inter-species relationship led to a spike in the population of shnoozums’. long, soft hair, and cuteness became desired traits, and over years of evolution and selective breeding only the cutest, fluffiest shnoozums’ genetics were p-ssed down to the generations we see today. in modern society the shnoozums’ population has exploded and have been exported all over the world. today the shnoozums’ have evolved into several breeds, some of which are commonly confused for genuine cats.
shnoozums the rat thinks she’s a cat.
scientific name: rattus shnoozumus

several species of shnoozums exist today. the rare, highly sought after “shnoozadook” is thought to be the most cat-like of the shnoozums. they are also by far the most intelligent, learning how to mimic genuine cats by meowing, and making a noise that sounds similar to purring, but is anatomically a completely different process. it is true that once a shnoozums chooses your dwelling there’s no getting rid of it. shnoozums were once hunters that took care of insects and smaller rodents but today are known for their incredibly refined pallets. after domestication the shnoozums grew accustomed to eating cooked foods and are famous for their insatiable appet-te for fine cheeses and exotic seafood dishes. eating these cooked foods (particularly seafood) can account for the development of higher intelligence in the species.
that rat is exceptionally fluffy, i think its a shnoozums

all the cheese is gone, i think there’s a shnoozums in the apartment.

girlfriend- “there’s a shnoozums in the bas-m-nt. try to lure it out with some pan seared tilapia and locatelli romano.”
boyfriend- “already tried, there’s no use. once you have a shnoozums there’s no getting rid of it.”
girlfriend-“ahh this one must be a shnoozadook”

upon bringing my “cat” to the vet, a fecal sample revealed that it was in fact a shnoozums.