hot pocket straw

when you use a hot pocket as a flashlight and the insides get jammed in your urethra, so you have someone give you a bl*w j*b and they get a snack.
i gave my girlfriend a hot pocket straw last night, she loves ham and cheese.

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    a guy’s ability to see any situation as potentially leading to s*x. the waitress said, “i’m julia and i’ll be your server tonight.” jay turned to his friend and said, “she wants me.” the friend said, “you manterpret everything.”

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    when you know you have to take a dump, but you really have to fart, and you fart not quite enough to poo your pants. it’s a close call to actually sh*tting. i really had to fart and it ended up being a dusty brush. now i need a bathroom.

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