“Made” Lesbian

the excruciatingly delicate and emotionally wrenching circuitous process that a disenchanted heteros-xual woman experiences due to the severe pathology inherent in all male relationships that drives her to the lesbian door (and we all know which door i mean?!) the “made” lesbian, once fully transitioned (it’s an acquired taste) does not take on the physical characteristics of her alleged counterparts (better known as “the tribe”…need i go on…), but retains all of the charm, wit, social grace and elegance that is known as “woman”. there are no weekly trips to home depot to buy “hardware”, no plaid flannel accessories in the closet, nor is there the adoption of the “mullet”, the “modified mullet” or anything that resembles a hair helmet with wings. the “made” lesbian knows that manolo’s and jimmy choo’s are fine footwear, not basketball players, because we own several pair. no tims/nike wearin’, subaru drivin’, divin’ womyn here! we are devotees of fine dining, literature and anything culturally enriching. no, don’t take us to “funkytown” because we’ve already been there! we don’t do the “electric slide” and we will never be on the “double dutch bus”!!! why, you ask? because we are generally pleasing to the eyes and the general public does not go out of their way to avoid us on the common sidewalk, either due to appearance or girth. the “made” lesbian is a furtive creature baffling detection by even the most trained eye. her needs are simple, merely someone of the “remaining s-x” to lavish undying respect, affection, fidelity and emotional warmth upon her (pedestalization is okay too!) without forgetting that penetration is a stated requirement
as dorothy rose from the dank bed in the seedy interstate motel, reeking of liquid testosterone, she glanced at married ted, her noontime tryst and was drawn hypnotically to the sand depot on the interstate. “if only i had become a “made” lesbian, she mused…